Original Essay

“Did you know you sound white?” was an essay written by a former City College student, Brianna Aktins in 2018. Aktins talks about how she struggled as a Black woman between the two different types of Englishes she spoke. She talks about how it affected her identity from a young age. The two Englishes that she mainly writes about are Standard American English and Black English. Aktins is able to convey her message about the class difference of each type of English language through her personal anecdotes. She brings up the issue of how society views any other form of English that is not Standard American English as “broken” or “inferior”. 

Aktins begins with, “I wasn’t White enough for White kids, and I wasn’t Black enough for Black kids.” The significance of starting this way was gaining the audience’s sympathy. The sentence structure like that made it seem that she was not able to find a place for her identity anywhere because being both was not an option. Then she ends that paragraph by talking about her struggle with accepting her Black identity although she did not feel “Black” enough because she spoke “white” English. By starting the essay like this, she gives an audience a personal reason as to why this topic was important to her as she went through it first hand. It gives the audience a reason to listen to her.

She then moves on to talk about how when she began to go to American schools, she had to code-switch from the two types of English depending on who she was with. Most of us are familiar with code-switching as we all use it so it felt like she was describing our lives too. She brings up the bigger issue that she is trying to tell us. Society only accepts one form of English to be “proper” and “correct” while other forms are considered “broken”. She asks the audience rhetorical questions to make us think more critically about the points she was making. “Don’t we all speak in a way someone else in this country won’t understand or relate to? Don’t we all use our own language variety, slang, jargon, and have different accents? What is it about Black English (which to Black people, might I add, is just English) that infuriates people so much that it must be bent, broken, and beaten down so that it may not exist outside of the Black community? Why is it so important we ‘sound White’?” Using these questions also shows how any other form of English that isn’t Standard American English comes with a negative connotation. 

Overall, Aktins tells us how she felt lost and confused with her identity because of this. In order for her to succeed, she has to hide a part of her identity which she feels is wrong. She felt disconnected with her identity because she thought she had to choose just one identity to stick with. Aktins uses her personal anecdotes to show that rather than embracing the diversity of the English language, society treats it as inferior. 

Pt. 2

What Changed?

This was the SAR that I struggled the most with. I don’t know why, but I remember sitting down and writing it and not knowing what I was trying to say. I felt that because I was so cautious of the page limit, I was worried the whole time about writing too much. I knew that once I started adding my response, I wouldn’t know when to stop. So I just gave an overview of the reading. I agree that this SAR was very summary based. When writing I think I forgot the prompt of the assignment.  

The first thing I did was cut out half of the second to last paragraph. It had a lot of stuff that was being repeated. I also cut the quote in half because we did not need the whole thing to get the point across. I only kept the parts that still get the point across. To replace the things I cut out, I talked more about me and how my experiences were relevant to this topic. I wanted to talk about the impact that Aktins’s essay had on me and how I was able to relate to her showing that she was successful in reaching her audience. 

In my second paragraph, I did realize I never addressed whether or not Aktins was successful so I just added that in and mentioned her credibility especially since we are in the same place she was when she wrote this essay. Then I just added a small sentence about having two identities because I know it was something that was brought up in a lot of people’s SLLN. Overall, I tried to make it less summary based and tried to focus on audience impact.

Revised

“Did you know you sound white?” was an essay written by a former City College student, Brianna Aktins in 2018. Aktins talks about how she struggled as a Black woman between the two different types of Englishes she spoke. She talks about how it affected her identity from a young age. The two Englishes that she mainly writes about are Standard American English and Black English. Aktins is able to convey her message about the class difference of each type of English language through her personal anecdotes. She brings up the issue of how society views any other form of English that is not Standard American English as “broken” or “inferior”. 

Aktins begins with, “I wasn’t White enough for White kids, and I wasn’t Black enough for Black kids.” The significance of starting this way was gaining the audience’s sympathy. Even though we may not be Black, a lot of us face this same problem. Stuck between two identities and still not being accepted by each side. The sentence structure like that made it seem that she was not able to find a place for her identity anywhere because being both was not an option. Then she ends that paragraph by talking about her struggle with accepting her Black identity although she did not feel “Black” enough because she spoke “white” English. By starting the essay like this, she gives an audience a personal reason as to why this topic was important to her as she went through it first hand. It gives the audience a reason to listen to her. It also helps her establish her credibility to this topic, helping her successfully reach her audience. Because she was a former student, it was easier for me to follow her words because I was able to place myself in her shoes.

She then brings up the bigger issue that she is trying to tell us. Society only accepts one form of English to be “proper” and “correct” while other forms are considered “broken”. She asks the audience rhetorical questions to make us think more critically about the points she was making. “Don’t we all speak in a way someone else in this country won’t understand or relate to? Don’t we all use our own language variety, slang, jargon, and have different accents…Why is it so important we ‘sound White’?” Using these questions also shows how any other form of English that isn’t Standard American English comes with a negative connotation. As a reader, I was touched by Aktins essay. Growing up, I struggled a lot with my identity. Was I American or was I Chinese? I didn’t believe that I could be both. At home, I would sometimes combine my Chinese and English and I would always be shamed for it. Somehow I spoke Broken Chinese and Broken English. This resulted in me losing touch with the Chinese language because I became too focused on perfecting just one language, American English. 

Overall, Aktins tells us how she felt lost and confused with her identity, similar to many others, because of this. In order for her to succeed, she has to hide a part of her identity which she feels is wrong. She felt disconnected with her identity because she thought she had to choose just one identity to stick with. Aktins uses her personal anecdotes to successfully deliver her message, that rather than embracing the diversity of the English language, society treats it as inferior, to the audience